The World You Thought You Lived In
by guineapiggie
Summary: "He'd killed Peter, he'd killed James, Remus and Sirius were the only ones left. Just the two of them now - and one of them was Remus Lupin, werewolf, outcast, failure. Oh, the irony." What if Remus had had the chance to confront Sirius without the others around? Set duting PoA, one-shot, rated T for language.


**The World You Thought You Lived In**

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own a thing. This text was written for the purpose of entertainment only.

**_*A/N* I was deeply convinced I wasn't going to break with canon. But, as it turned out, I did already, in "Eulogy" I mentioned a meeting between Remus and Sirius before they met in the shrieking shack. Trust me, I was completely convinced that was canon, but I just reread the scene and, as it turns out, it's not. But I've written this whole scene and you've got no idea how long it took me, I'm totally not going to delete it all now. Plus, I'm rather proud of it._**

**_So, slight deference from canon. Sorry. Sorry. Please still enjoy it._**

* * *

_'cause it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man  
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in  
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely, lonely heart  
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in_

-from "Any Other World" by MIKA

* * *

It was late at night, very late, and Remus knew he belonged in bed - werewolf or not, full moon had been a week ago. But he continued to stare at the map as if he were hypnotised, he just couldn't take his eyes off it.

All those memories-

_"No, wait Pete, let us do that… no, _not _you, Padfoot, you screwed it up the last three times-"_

_"As if that was my fault, what with you barking instructions in my ear all the time, how's a man supposed to concentrate…"_

_"I'll do it, then, and you two can keep on bickering."_

_"Merlin, Moony, your monthlies are no reason to snap at us like that-"_

_"Shut up, Sirius. You should hear yourselves, really, it's got nothing to do with the moon."_

_"Yeah, it does-"_

_"Stuff it, Padfoot. Nice one, Remus, that should do… Look, it's working!"_

_"Merlin, they're moving-"_

_"_Of course _they are, Pete, that's what we bewitched it to do…"_

_"Alright then, sign it. Remus, you're writing - people are supposed to be able to read it, after all."_

.

_Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers_

_are proud to present_

_THE MARAUDER'S MAP_

.

He sighed, shoved the memory from his mind and was just about to put the map away when-

_Sirius Black._

A small black blot on the outskirts of the Hogwarts grounds, near the tall gate leading to Hogsmeade, had appeared on the map. Remus's breath caught in his throat.

Within a second, and without a single coherent thought in his head, he had grabbed his wand, snatched the map off the table and stumbled out of his office. _Traitor. _

The word echoed in his oddly empty head with every step. _Traitor._

Every nerve in his body was tense, burning him up. _Traitor. _

He would kill him, kill him like he'd killed poor Peter… because Sirius Black deserved to die, didn't he - deserved to die like James and Lily had died because of him…

_Traitor._

The blot didn't move. Remus was breathing heavily while he staggered down the stairs, holding out the map in front of him in his shaking hand and clutching his wand with the other.

Somewhere deep down, he was glad he was so shocked, because otherwise, he'd probably be scared half to death. He'd been waiting for this, waiting for Sirius to come - not just for Harry, but also for him.

He'd killed Peter, he'd killed James, Remus and Sirius were the only ones left.

Just the two of them now - and one of them was Remus Lupin, werewolf, outcast, failure. Oh, the irony.

He was on the big staircase leading up to the great oak portal now, staggered out on the lawn, fell a couple of times and scrambled back to his feet, barely feeling the pain in his knees.

His wand tightly clutched, he forced himself to go faster. For a moment he considered extinguishing the light at the tip of his wand, but he was too scared of losing sight of the black spot on the map.

_Sirius Black._

He hadn't moved much yet while Remus watched his own name approach the gate. He was bound to have heard him by now, or smelled him in the cold midnight air.

But, much to Remus's surprise (and worry), the blot on the map still didn't move.

The gate was surrounded by trees of all sizes, and Remus was looking for the familiar shape of the huge dog, and so it was not until he was less than ten feet away that he saw the escaped prisoner.

His hand shaking worse than ever at the sight of the tall, thin silhouette, Remus raised his wand to better illuminate the scenery. His hatred battled the fear in his chest.

It took him a moment to recognise his old friend. His brain refused to make the connection between the devastatingly handsome twenty-two year-old with the mischievous spark in his steel-grey eyes that he remembered and the man that was standing in front of him. Aged by far more than twelve years, his face that had used to be so attractive looked sunken and his skin seemed like wax. His hair had lost its raven-like black shimmer. It had grown long, blunt and hopelessly tangled. The eyes, once full of a warm, reckless glint, sat deep in their sockets, oddly vacant and with a manic, haunted air about them.

Even his posture that had been all disdainful aristocratic elegance was that of a kicked, halfway starved stray dog and, despite everything he had done, despite the fact Remus had wanted to rip his throat out a moment ago, he felt a rush of deepest compassion towards him.

Sirius, too, seemed to have some trouble recognising his old friend. His empty eyes bore into his, and something - disbelief, grief, relief? - flickered across his features.

"R-_Remus_?" He sounded horrific and Remus couldn't help wondering whether this was the first time he'd used his voice in the last twelve years.

A strangled sound, somewhere between a sob and a laugh, came over his lips. "You've got no idea how glad I am to run across you, mate. What are you doing-"

"I should be calling for the Dementors, Sirius," Remus said quietly, clutching his wand, torn between his pity and his bloodlust.

"D'you really want to duel me, Remus?" The smirk on his face was a mere shadow of the beaming grin he'd once sported. "We both know who'd win."

"You're weak, and that's not your wand. I'll take my chances," he gave back shakily, the card slipping from his grip and falling to the ground.

"Remus- you have to listen to me. You have to-"

"Why would I? You betrayed us." He took another shuddering breath. "And I really don't intend to sound plaintive, but you've lost me everything I had in a matter of two days."

"Remus. Please-"

"You know, if I weren't such a coward you'd be dead already."

"Better dead than back at Azkaban, _Remus, _I didn't - it wasn't me! I would have never - _never_ in my life... I'm innocent, I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't even listen-"

"Well, you and I, we know that the ministry doesn't listen, don't we… Everybody else may not have noticed, but _I _for my part did very much want to attend this trial, Sirius, I wanted to know _why-"_

"Remus, listen to me-"

The werewolf's eyes filled with angry tears. "Just _tell_ me, _tell me why_!"

"_I WAS NOT SECRET KEEPER!"_

Remus stared at him incredulously. Every atom in his body was yelling at him not to believe him - he was a _liar, _a traitor, a murderer, he couldn't be trusted - but there was so much desperation written over his wasted face, such anguish in his voice…

"Don't be ridiculous," Remus whispered.

Sirius staggered a couple of steps towards him, a hand raised in a pleading gesture. "We changed plans, we thought it would be the perfect trick, thought they'd never think to come after someone like him… It was him, Remus, believe me, it wasn't me, I- I can prove it- I can't voice the location, can't pronounce it, because I wasn't Secret Keeper, try and force me-"

Remus felt a sinking feeling in his chest and a cold inside his head like his brain was freezing over. "Who? Who, if not you?"

A desperate smile stole on Sirius's lips and he replied breathlessly, stumbling over his words: "It… it was my idea, I thought… Peter, I suggested James to take Peter, I believed…"

"_Peter?"_ Remus repeated, fighting to stay wary, and forced a disdainful little laugh over his lips. "Well, that's convenient, isn't it, Sirius, as there's no-one left to confirm that unlikely story. Why would James take anyone but you, you were as good as Siamese twins."

"That's why I told him not to take me," Sirius replied in a pleading voice. "We all knew they'd come after me- it was so obvious- too obvious- so I said to James 'take Peter instead, no-one will look at him when they come after you, he's so weak, nobody would ever guess you'd chosen him' and he did, he thought it was brilliant- we… we relied so much on his weakness, it never even occurred to us that Voldemort would want anything with him…"

Remus didn't understand… it made sense, in a way, but it didn't explain what Harry had seen on the map…

Of course, it had been late at night, Harry might have dreamt it, imagined it, but still-

"So you went and killed him for his betrayal," Remus concluded softly.

"I wanted to! I went looking for him, I yelled at him- and suddenly he was shouting at _me, _how I could betray them… I didn't realise what he was plotting, not really… I threatened to kill him, didn't get it was just what he wanted- and then he went and blew up the street, and I was arrested." Sirius drew a shaking breath. "Couldn't even blame them, could I - I'd screamed I'd kill him, for everyone to hear, and I was going to, I would have done it - but I didn't, he was faster."

"This is absurd, Sirius, completely ridiculous-" Remus muttered, vehemently shaking his head. It was ridiculous, wasn't it, completely insane, why would he believe him…

Black took another few steps towards his old friend and rasped: "_He's alive, _Remus, he's still alive - he faked it all, I thought he was dead, but I saw him - I recognised him, he's alive!"

"Who the hell are you talking about?"

"_Peter," _Sirius answered intently, his hand halfway stretched out as if he were to grip Remus by the shoulder. "Peter's still alive, he faked it, they found a finger they said, nothing more -"

"That's because he was blasted to pieces, because _you _blasted him to pieces-"

"Because he cut it off, the coward," Sirius spat, and Remus was shocked to see he was crying. "He cut it off and left, there were so many rats around, the sewers were all torn open and they were everywhere - nobody even saw him vanish, me least of all, I was so baffled - He's alive, Remus-"

"I know," Remus whispered, swallowing with some effort. In that moment, his mind was made up.

Peter had always been a coward. Looking back, it was glaringly obvious how he'd always sought the protection of the strongest, most powerful people around - he'd stuck around James and Sirius, had he not, and then, when they'd left school and Voldemort had risen to full power, he'd started to slip away from them…

He had always saved his own skin first of all, even back when it had been about escaping the Slytherins. James, Sirius and Remus had always turned around if one of the others had fallen behind, but not Peter, he'd always run off without a single look over his shoulder.

With a deep, deliberate breath, Remus lowered his wand.

"You _know?_" Sirius repeated.

Remus cast his light over the grass around his feet, looking for the map, then picked it up and waved it at Sirius.

A faint, almost non-existent smile tugged at the corner of Sirius's lips. "Is that...?"

"Yes, it is. It was confiscated from Harry James Potter."

"_Harry?"_ Sirius breathed and for a second a spark lit up in his dead eyes. "You've seen him? Is he alright, is-"

"Yes, I've seen him, I'm teaching him-"

"You're _teaching?_"

"Defence Against the Dark Arts."

"Wow." Again this tragic ghost of a smile. "Good on you, Moony."

"Not too sure about that, I'm putting them all in dreadful danger-"

"You haven't changed one bit," Sirius interrupted and Remus thought he could detect a softer touch in his hoarse voice.

A smile tugged at Remus's lips, too, and with a sudden warm feeling in his stomach it hit him just how much he'd _missed _this man.

Then he said, in a quiet, sober voice: "Harry's seen him on the map, Sirius."

"Peter? Yes, he's at-"

A sudden noise from the castle made Sirius stop in mid-sentence. He jerked up his head and cast a look around, raw panic in his blunt eyes. His breath quickened and his hand clutched his wand so tightly his grazed knuckles turned white.

Remus hastily checked the map - nothing. But the Dementors didn't show up on the map.

"What's that?" he breathed.

"Dunno, I'd better go- If someone sees us, you'll be in the shit."

That got a dry laugh out of Remus. "_You'll _be in the shit, Sirius."

"Either way-" Sirius was still looking around the grounds with restless eyes.

Remus gripped him by the sleeve. "We'll find him, Padfoot. He'll pay."

"You believe me?" Sirius asked slowly, looking up at him.

He stared into those stormy grey eyes that had haunted him for the last twelve years, at the worn, gaunt face that looked so little like his old friend from school days.

"Yes."

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